Monday, September 16, 2013

Little Heart, Big Love

I'm starting to think that God is systematically foiling each of my plans.

...No, but really.

Approximately two months ago, my plan was to be in Rome, Italy, right now.  (I am in America.)

Approximately one month ago, my new plan was to be working full time in somewhat of a dream job right now.  (I am a part time & temporary nanny, part time 'consultant', and part time 'musician'.)

So like.. I had plans, you know? And in all the strangeness of His Mercy, the Lord has been foiling "my plans".

I say it is part of His Mercy, and I mean it. And beneath the turbulence of my shifting plans, He has given me a deep certainty that I am exactly where He wants me to be, for which I am grateful. But let's be clear:  That doesn't necessarily make it easy, and I haven't exactly been going down without a fight. On my best days, I'm only slightly bummed that I'm not in Rome and that my best friend lives across the country, and only mildly irritated at the fact that I'm still not fully employed and can't be fully independent yet. Believe me when I say that God has received more than His fair share of "earfuls" about all of it from me! (And I say "more than", given the fact that His "fair share" is

But through prayer and the action of the Holy Spirit in the many people with whom He has blessed my life, little by little I am coming to see that it is all, indeed, a work of His Mercy.  

You see, His love is very big - but my heart is little. The wine and the wineskins are mismatched, as it were.  And in His Mercy, boundless as it is, He is stretching me little by little, until I can contain more and more of His love.  

It's not the most pleasant of processes, to be stretched; but the alternative is to remain small.  He will always fill me to the brim with His love and life, with Himself.  But why be a thimble when I could be a 50 gallon drum? 

To return to the theme of life in abundance, CS Lewis said, "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. ...We are far too easily pleased."

He loves me excessively, foolishly; He longs to give Himself to me more and more and more, but in order to do that, He has to make my heart bigger and bigger and bigger.  In His Mercy, He does it little by little - and, as it turns out, sometimes one foiled plan after another.

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